10 March 2008

I Never Kid About My Work

Jeff Wills

is generally more friendly and easier to remember than

Jeffrey Wills

which reminds me of my mother and my day job, unlike

Jeffrey Allen Wills

which reminds me solely of my mother, at particular times of distress.

Jeffrey A. Wills

was what I used to designate my writing, until I realized it didn't really matter.


is what I went by for a whole year in elementary school, thinking


, which means roughly "bringer of peace" (though it's descended from





) and


-- which presumably means the same, only less so -- were somehow childish.


is used by itself in sarcasm and in gym classes, which are not mutually exclusive concepts.

J. A. Wills

is what I use on my return-address labels, because it's distinguished and mysterious. I never use

J. Allen Wills

because that's just pretentious and wrong.

J. Wills

isn't so much, but I don't really use it anyway.


, as was pointed out to me for the first time by a woman (Ms. Rice) who worked in my kindergarten, is an acronym that spells something, which is rad.


also tends to imply a certain intimacy, and often gets used by folks trying to be more formal, or who like playing status games, or who don't actually know me. I've had many nicknames based on my given name:




("Hef-feh," or "chief")


(dawg, bone, luv...); just as I've had quite a few with nothing at all to do with my actual name:






Nicknames are casually intimate things, at turns silly and profound, and I dig them. I was very nearly

Grant Allen Wills, Jr.

and think that might have been okay. I could be a Grant.

That's enough of that, I think. This whole thing is actually a bit of an experiment to see if/how it influences web searches for my name in the coming months. When I want to Google myself (not that I do that over-much, mind) I have to enter '"Jeff Wills'+actor" or some such, lest I get a stream of Willsians accomplished in other fields. If I've got this right, technically my name being all over one entry of the 'blog in different forms shouldn't do much, however the more people click on the link to here, the more prominent my standing. So it stands to reason that having an entry with different forms of "Jeff Wills" all over it should, ah, make the...thing...do that thing, where it...erm.... Yeah. I got nothing.

Names are cool.


Patrick said...

Sadly, having been cursed with a Sasenach/Francach name, and not a noble Celtic one, you're denied the many different SPELLINGS of your name. Padraic. Padraig. Padric. Padrig. Patric. Patrick (filthy English bastardization!). Then there are the nicknames Pat (almost exclusively used by middle-aged salesmen pretending we're buddies so I'll buy shit). Paddy. Podge. If you're actually in Ireland, lots of people leave out the d/t in the middle, pronouncing it Parrig. No idea why. Just 'cause. And if you're SPEAKING Irish, then for grammatical reasons I will spare you (you're welcome), it's spelled Phadraig when you're addressing me, pronounced Fadrig,or more commonly (see above re: missing d/t) Farig. The first time in my Irish class the instructor kept calling on "A'Farig" I didn't know who the hell he was talking to. Just to be clear: in Irish my name may be Padraic, but no one addressing me would ever say that. I'd go through life hearing myself called 'Farig'.

And the stupid language wonders why it's dying out.

Nuit? Seriously?

Jeff Wills said...

Seriously. It was high school, and we were in love. And she took French.

Dang, P. You gots youse some names. And now you have to deal with me calling you anything BUT "Patrick." If that is your real name...

Chopper Dave said...

You forgot...

King Jeff
Jeffrey 3000
Ass-slapper McGee
Boxcar Randy
Lord Hamish, The Brave
Dick Gozinia
Foxy Von Crispus
Meatpants McGirk
Slliw Ffej
Windows 98
The Artist Formerly Known as Meatpants McGirk
Slappy Jones
Honeythighs Hubert
Unforgiveably Flatulent Lawrence
The Slab
Nucleus Malone
Lorenzo, The Desperate Mogwai
Ol' Tiberius One-Nostril
Jennifer Love Hewitt
Pepsi Jong-Il
Subway Sam of the Arctic
Notorious M.U.N.G.
Cincinatti Tex
His Excellency Carl Sapstein
Dongy Dongpecker
Mongo Morelli, The Meek
The Lamented Bolivian
Spicy and Mild Gavin
Too Many Haircuts Lou
Osama Bong-Loadin'
Licorice Merle
Tammy Whammy Toot-Toot
Lonesome Jimenez
Ferris Hilton
Paris Bueller
LOLcats Larry

and of course...Woodchuck.